There are some words we find surprisingly hard to say. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. We mean them, often deeply, yet they catch in the throat or never quite make it out.

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian practice that gathers these four simple phrases together. For many people around the world, sitting quietly with them has become a gentle way of making peace, with others and with themselves.

A practice with deep roots

Ho’oponopono comes from Hawaiian tradition, where it was traditionally a communal process: families coming together to set things right after a hurt or a conflict, speaking honestly and restoring harmony between them.

In the twentieth century, Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona taught a form of the practice that could also be done on one’s own. Later, Ihaleakala Hew Len wrote about it, and Joe Vitale helped bring it to a wider English-speaking audience.

It’s a living tradition with its own teachers and its own depth. What follows is a simple, respectful way of sitting with its four phrases, not a full teaching of the practice.

The four phrases

I’m sorry. Sometimes there’s something that’s genuinely yours to own. Naming it honestly, even just to yourself, can be a relief. Can mindfulness make you better at apologizing? explores this gentle kind of honesty.

Please forgive me. You can ask, whether of another person, of yourself, or of life itself. Forgiveness may come, or it may take time. Either way, asking opens a door.

Thank you. Gratitude is simply noticing something good that’s truly here: a person, a moment, a lesson. A helpful guide to cultivating gratitude has some lovely ideas.

I love you. Offered to yourself, to someone you care about, or to the situation as a whole. Love here can simply mean a wish for things to be well. It doesn’t mean staying in a situation that harms you.

How to sit with them

Find a quiet moment, perhaps while the kettle boils or before you fall asleep. Bring to mind something that feels unresolved: a tension with a friend, a regret, a heaviness you’ve been carrying.

Then, slowly, say the four phrases, aloud or silently. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Repeat them a few times if you like. Close your eyes or keep them open. Let the words land softly.

You can also pick just one phrase and stay with that. If you’d like to create your own words to sit with, How to create and use affirmations for meditation can help.

Holding responsibility gently

Ho’oponopono is often described as taking responsibility for your inner life. That can be a deeply empowering idea: you can always tend to your own heart, whatever is happening around you.

But it doesn’t mean that every hurt in your life is your fault. Some things truly aren’t yours to carry. Overcome victim consciousness with this one simple change looks at that balance with care, and Does the law of attraction actually work? offers an honest perspective on how our inner and outer worlds relate.

Kindness toward others is a natural companion to this practice. Performing acts of kindness can boost both physical health and happiness levels is a heartening read. And kindness toward yourself matters just as much: What it means to be self-compassionate and how to do it right.

How little is enough

Choose one phrase this week: sorry, forgive, thank you or I love you. Say it once, honestly, about one thing you can name. Then carry on with your day.

For more on the inner side of life, visit Metaphysics. Sometimes the simplest words are the ones that heal the most.

For a quiet place to write your way through this season, you’ll find a guided journal on the Guides page.