Being hurt by someone can be painful and confusing. You may hear that hurtful people are “teachers” or that pain always leads to growth. But you don’t have to be grateful for being hurt.
Hurt isn’t a gift
The people who hurt us aren’t sent to teach us lessons. Harm is harm. You don’t owe anyone thanks for causing you pain.
Growth is possible, not required
Many people do find that they grow after difficult experiences. They may learn more about their boundaries, values or strengths. But growth isn’t a duty, and it doesn’t happen on a timetable.
Noticing patterns
Sometimes painful experiences help us notice patterns, like the kinds of relationships we’re drawn to or the boundaries we need. This can be useful, but it never means the harm was your fault.
Boundaries matter
Protecting yourself from further hurt is an act of self-care. You can limit contact with people who harm you, say no and walk away.
Healing at your own pace
Healing can take time. Be patient with yourself. Talking with a friend, journaling or quiet reflection can help you process what happened.
How little is enough
Write down one boundary that would help you feel safer or calmer.
For more, read How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy.
For a quiet place to write your way through this season, you’ll find a guided journal on the Guides page.