Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend, especially when you’re struggling or have made a mistake. Research on self-compassion has grown over recent years, and many people find it makes a real difference to how they cope.
Here are four reasons being kind to yourself matters.
1. It’s different from self-esteem
Self-esteem is about thinking well of yourself, often based on your achievements. Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself whether you succeed or fail. It doesn’t depend on being better than others, so it can feel more stable.
2. It reminds you that you’re not alone
Self-compassion includes recognising that everyone struggles and makes mistakes. Remembering this can ease feelings of shame and isolation.
3. It helps you notice without judging
Self-compassion involves noticing your pain with mindfulness, neither ignoring it nor getting lost in it. You can say, This is hard right now, without adding harsh criticism.
4. It can help you try again
Some people worry that being kind to themselves will make them lazy. Many find the opposite: treating yourself kindly after a mistake can make it easier to learn and try again.
A simple self-compassion practice
When you’re struggling, try saying to yourself:
- This is a moment of difficulty.
- Everyone struggles sometimes.
- May I be kind to myself.
How little is enough
Next time you make a mistake, notice your inner voice. Try offering yourself the words you would give a friend.
For more, read Self-compassion: a gentle 3-step practice.
If writing helps you make sense of change, there’s a short guided journal waiting on the Guides page.