Many of us are kind to others but harsh with ourselves. When we make a mistake, or even when our minds wander during meditation, we can be quick to criticise. I’m hopeless at this. Why can’t I focus?

Self-compassion offers another way. Inspired by contemplative teaching, here’s a simple three-step practice for meeting yourself with kindness.

Why we’re so hard on ourselves

We often try to fight our thoughts, pushing away the ones we don’t like. But this struggle can make meditation, and life, feel more stressful. The more we criticise ourselves, the tenser we become.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means treating yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a good friend.

Step 1: Recognise without judging

When you notice your mind has wandered, or you’ve slipped into an old habit, simply recognise it. Ah, I was lost in thought. No need to add a second layer of criticism.

The moment of noticing is not a failure. It’s the practice itself.

Step 2: Appreciate that you noticed

Instead of scolding yourself for drifting, feel a little gratitude that you noticed at all. Noticing is a moment of awareness, and that’s worth appreciating.

This small shift, from I failed to I noticed, can change the whole feeling of practice.

Step 3: Remember that everyone struggles

Everyone’s mind wanders. Everyone makes mistakes. Remembering that you’re not alone in this can soften self-criticism and help you feel more connected to others.

You might say quietly to yourself, This is part of being human.

Bringing it into daily life

You can use these three steps anywhere: when you burn the toast, forget an appointment or say something you regret. Recognise, appreciate that you noticed and remember you’re human.

Everything changes

Difficult moments pass. The problems that feel huge today may one day be a distant memory. Self-compassion helps you move through them more gently.

How little is enough

Next time you catch yourself being self-critical, try the three steps. Notice how it feels to respond with kindness.

For more, read how to practice mindful self-compassion: 6 life-changing steps.

If you’d like to keep going with this, you’ll find a few gentle guides on the Guides page.