“Sorry, can I just ask…” “Sorry, I know you’re busy…” “Sorry!” when someone bumps into you. For many people, “sorry” slips out dozens of times a day, often when there’s nothing to apologise for at all.

Apologising when you’ve hurt someone is kind and important. But habitually saying sorry for simply taking up space can quietly chip away at your confidence. If this sounds familiar, there’s no need to be hard on yourself. It’s a very common habit, and it can be gently changed.

What over-apologising might be doing

When “sorry” becomes automatic, it’s often doing a job it wasn’t meant to do. It might be:

  • smoothing over a moment of awkwardness;
  • trying to avoid conflict or disapproval;
  • asking permission to take up space;
  • showing politeness or care.

Many people who apologise often are deeply considerate and sensitive to others. The habit usually comes from a kind place, even if it no longer serves you.

Four gentle shifts

1. Check the facts first. Before you say sorry, pause and ask, Did I actually do something wrong? If not, you may not need to apologise.

2. Use a smaller word. If someone bumps into you or you need to get past, try “excuse me” or “pardon” instead.

3. Say thank you instead. Often, “thank you” is the truer sentence. Instead of “Sorry I’m late”, try “Thank you for waiting”. Instead of “Sorry for rambling”, try “Thank you for listening”.

4. Notice the pattern beneath it. If you find yourself apologising out of fear of upsetting people, gently notice that. Ask yourself, What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t apologise?

Keep real apologies meaningful

When you’ve genuinely hurt someone, a sincere apology matters. By saving “sorry” for those moments, your apologies carry more weight and meaning. Can mindfulness make you better at apologizing? explores this further.

Be patient with yourself

Habits take time to change. You’ll still catch yourself saying sorry automatically, and that’s okay. Each time you notice, you’re building awareness.

How little is enough

This week, try swapping one unnecessary “sorry” for “thank you” each day. Notice how it feels.

When you’re ready to go a little deeper, the Guides page has a guided journal for walking through change at your own pace.