Most of us find it easy to be kind to others. A friend has a hard day, and we offer comfort without a second thought. But when we’re the ones struggling, the voice inside can be surprisingly harsh.

Showing yourself kindness isn’t selfish or indulgent. It’s a way of caring for the person you spend every moment with. Here are nine gentle ways to begin.

1. Notice your thoughts

When a critical thought arises, notice it without letting it take over. There’s that harsh voice again. You don’t have to believe everything you think.

2. Speak to yourself like a friend

Ask yourself, What would I say to a friend in this situation? Then offer those same words to yourself. You’re doing your best. It’s okay to find this hard.

3. Choose a simple, kind phrase

Pick one phrase you can come back to on difficult days. It should feel true, not forced. I’m allowed to rest. I’m learning. This will pass.

4. Do something you enjoy

Make time for something that brings you joy, purely for its own sake. Reading, gardening, music, a walk or a bath. Enjoyment is a form of kindness.

5. Look at yourself gently

When you see your reflection, try to look with softness rather than judgement. Notice something you appreciate, even something small, like your eyes or your smile.

6. Notice the loops that hurt

Many of us replay the same painful thoughts again and again. When you notice a loop, name it kindly. I’m going over that conversation again. Then gently bring your attention back to the present.

7. Accept your flaws as human

Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. They’re part of being human, not a sign that something is wrong with you.

8. Feel it, then let it go

When a difficult feeling arises, let yourself feel it for a moment. Breathe with it. Then, when you’re ready, gently set it down.

9. Say no when you need to

Saying no to things that drain you is a way of saying yes to yourself. A clear, kind no protects your time and energy.

How little is enough

Choose one way to be kinder to yourself this week. One kind phrase, one enjoyable hour or one gentle no. Small acts of self-kindness add up.

If being kind to yourself feels very hard right now, please reach out to someone you trust. You don’t have to carry it alone.

For more, read What it means to be self compassionate and how to do it right.

If you’d like to keep going with this, you’ll find a few gentle guides on the Guides page.