Much of what we do each day happens without conscious thought. You drive a familiar route, tie your shoes or reach for your phone almost automatically. This is your subconscious mind at work: the vast part of you that runs habits, holds memories and shapes your reactions.

Rather than trying to control it, you can get to know it gently, and over time help it work with you rather than against you.

Notice what’s already running

The first step is simply noticing. Pay attention to your automatic thoughts and reactions. I always think the worst. I always say yes. I reach for something sweet when I’m tired. These patterns are clues to what’s happening beneath the surface.

Try keeping a small notebook for a week. Each time you notice an automatic reaction, jot it down without judgement.

Gentle ways to work with your subconscious

Repeat kind words. The things we say to ourselves often become habits of thought. Choose one gentle phrase you can believe, like I’m learning, and that’s okay, and repeat it often.

Use the quiet moments. Many people find the minutes just before sleep and just after waking are good times for reflection. Before bed, think about something you’re grateful for or an intention for tomorrow.

Visualise. Imagine yourself handling a situation calmly or taking a step towards a goal. Picture it in detail: what you see, hear and feel.

Build small habits. Repeating a small action every day, like a short walk or a glass of water in the morning, gradually teaches your mind a new pattern.

Write it down. Journaling can bring hidden thoughts and feelings to the surface, where you can look at them more clearly.

Be patient

Patterns built over many years won’t change overnight. Be gentle with yourself when old habits return. Each time you notice and choose differently, you’re helping a new pattern grow.

A grounded approach

Working with your subconscious isn’t about forcing positive thoughts or ignoring real difficulties. It’s about getting to know yourself more deeply and choosing, little by little, the patterns you want to strengthen.

How little is enough

Choose one practice this week: notice one automatic thought, repeat one kind phrase or spend two minutes before sleep reflecting on something good.

For more, read What it means to be self compassionate and how to do it right.

If writing helps you make sense of change, there’s a short guided journal waiting on the Guides page.