“Love yourself” can sound like a huge task, especially on days when you’re tired, unsure or being hard on yourself. But loving yourself doesn’t have to mean feeling wonderful about yourself all the time. Often, it’s much simpler than that.

Self-love can be as ordinary as treating yourself the way you’d treat someone you care about: with patience, respect and kindness.

A person, not a project

Many of us treat ourselves like a project that needs constant improving. Self-love starts with remembering that you’re a person, worthy of care just as you are today, not only once you’ve fixed everything.

Spend time with people who are good for you

The people around us affect how we feel about ourselves. Spend more time with those who make you feel valued and respected, and less time with those who leave you feeling small.

Give yourself time that’s yours

Protect a little time each week for something you enjoy, purely for its own sake. Reading, a bath, a walk, a hobby, an early night. You don’t have to earn it.

Say yes and no more honestly

Loving yourself includes honouring your limits. Say yes to things that matter to you, and gently say no to things that drain you. A kind, clear no is a form of self-respect.

Care for your body kindly

Eat foods that nourish you, move in ways that feel good, rest when you’re tired and get yourself looked after when you need to. These aren’t rewards for good behaviour. They’re simple acts of care.

Speak to yourself gently

Notice the way you talk to yourself. When you hear a harsh voice, try asking, What would I say to a friend right now? Then offer yourself those words.

9 ways to show yourself more kindness has more ideas.

Self-love is a practice

Some days it will feel easy, and some days it won’t. That’s okay. Self-love isn’t a feeling you have to maintain. It’s a series of small, kind choices you can return to again and again.

How little is enough

Choose one small act of self-love today. One kind sentence, one early night or one honest no. Let that be enough.

For more, read What it means to be self compassionate and how to do it right.

If writing helps you make sense of change, there’s a short guided journal waiting on the Guides page.