Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by emotion that you said or did something you later regretted? This is sometimes called emotional hijacking. The writer Daniel Goleman popularised the term “amygdala hijack” in his book Emotional Intelligence, describing moments when strong emotions take over before we’ve had a chance to think.
What it can feel like
Emotional hijacking often comes on quickly. You might notice:
- a racing heart or a hot face;
- tense muscles;
- an urge to shout, snap or walk out;
- difficulty thinking clearly.
Afterwards, you may wonder why you reacted so strongly.
Why it happens
Our minds are built to react quickly to threats. Sometimes, though, everyday situations, like a sharp comment or a stressful email, can trigger that same fast reaction.
Know your triggers
Notice which situations tend to stir strong emotions in you. Knowing your triggers can help you prepare and respond more calmly.
Pause and breathe
When you feel a wave of emotion rising, pause. Sit down if you can, and let your breathing be slow and natural. If you feel light-headed, stop and breathe normally.
Name the feeling
Silently naming what you feel, like I’m angry or I’m scared, can help create a little space between you and the emotion.
Step away if you need to
It’s okay to leave a situation and return when you feel calmer. You might say, I need a few minutes.
Be gentle afterwards
Everyone gets carried away by emotions sometimes. If you react in a way you regret, try to learn from it and offer yourself kindness. Apologise if needed, and move on.
How little is enough
Next time you feel a strong emotion rising, pause and name it before you respond.
For more, read Happiness strategies of emotionally intelligent people.
When you’re ready to go a little deeper, the Guides page has a guided journal for walking through change at your own pace.